presented at RCA RIVERLIGHT 2018

What is it to be in apprehension of oneself ?

The contours etched in my first sighting of the desert

never desert me, before the dust mystifies

the vision, there in a single distance. Nothing.

Moving, as pylons move when darting through.

I knew you were over there. Or you had been over there.

I knew you too felt lost. I felt it, as I felt that

this was the closest I had been to home. To see it. Not to be in it.

To believe that it exists.

As though here was the birthing point

of the conception of what the word could mean.

Beyond the systems we built to define it,

beyond the construction of my ‘self,

the core of this life,

sprouting from the roots of sand,

carried on ships, and boats, and cars, and feet.


These burnt feet.

These ruined feet.

These feet, full of love for the earth’s hardship.

Untested. Awaiting what is yet to come.


I have no disruption. I feel no anger.

I understand no pains. I feel only fear.


If we lie here long enough something

will appear happening in a distance.

These closed eyes will open

our night

turning inside out

anxious as the wind

the sounds of distance coming

as echoes of planes in the morning.


such sadness obstructs the ability to love

sadness is the consequence of love


To submit to defeat, is not a choice,

as the defeat you speak of has already been,

so as to say, there is only a succession of defeats

awaiting us, and this place we feel accustomed to

is nothing more than a list, a sequence of events,

memories, we implanted to increase our resistance

against upheaval.


Are we in the apprehension of our home?

All rights reserved Joshua Leon

© 2018